Arresting stress

Stress has become an inevitable part of our everyday life. Important it is to arrest it on its tracks because too much stress can cause unnecessary lifestyle diseases like headaches, high blood pressure, ulcers and heart diseases.  Listed are 20 simple and instant methods that could instantly bust the stress, drive those blues to the skies, and make your spirits high.

1. Smile. As often as you can as many times as you can.
2. Read a humorous book.
3. Make an awesome cup of cold coffee/Masala chai/ cappuccino for yourself.
4. List down all the things that make you feel grateful for their existence in your life.
5. Hug your spouse/kids/pet/sibling. Use the power of touch.
6. Reconnect with an old friend or family.  
7. Create something. Could be food/a painting/knitting/writing etc.
8. Spend time with little children.
9. Pamper yourself. Go for a long shower or a spa.
10. Exercise.
11. Connect with nature. Sit in a peaceful atmosphere, deep breathe.
12. Dance like no one is watching.
13. Go for a walk. Explore the nearby garden or the mall or any other place that you haven’t been for awhile.
14. Meditate.
15. De-clutter your space.
16. Watch a funny movie.
17. Listen to your favorite music.
18. Go to an NGO, help if you can.
19. Read positive, feel good books like the Chicken Soup series.
20. Feed a hungry soul. 

Be your OWN Sunshine

Happiness is what we perceive; Positive thinking is all about training your mind to see things in a positive light. It’s true that to find love, love needs to be first ignited within ourselves. In our quest to be loved and accepted by others we often tend to neglect ourselves. Life is what we make of and our attitude towards life is the important element that attracts happiness, love and optimism. It is all a cycle and ‘You’ make the most important force that drives this cycle.

To keep the cycle rolling here are a few life hacks to be considered

1.   Don’t allow negative thoughts to seep into your mind.

This world seems to be brimming with people who seem to have lustrous facebook/linkedin/instagram profiles. They seem to be going places, looking beautiful, flying high. Making you feel that perhaps you are not doing enough or are not good enough. What you don’t know is they are only portraying the image they want to portray. You don’t have to compete with anyone. Remind yourself that you are doing your bit and are going places at your pace. Assure yourself that you don’t need to prove anyone what you are worth because you very well know yours. And you could always get away from the social networking sites or not use it compulsively to kill boredom.

2.   Love yourself first.

We often tend to neglect our needs, wants and desires for others. Practice the art of saying “NO” to people when you have to.  Give yourself the gift of creating something that you are good at it could be going back to the hobbies that you have stashed on a shelf you have long forgotten. It could be Painting, writing, knitting, or it could just be going to the gym or the parlor. Give yourself ‘your’ time.

   

3.   Make best friends with yourself.

Sometimes our close friends, spouse, and family may not always be available to spend time with us. Everyone has their schedules and priorities. If someday you don’t find someone coming with you for that walk, or shopping, or for a cup of coffee go by yourself. Being with yourself and having your company can’t be that bad!

4.   Don’t wait for anyone to validate you.

Look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a big warm smile. Mentally give yourself a high-five for every time you do something well. Celebrate every small occasion or achievement. When you wake up in the morning wish yourself “have an awesome day ahead”. Give yourself the love and attention that you deserve.

1.   Be yourself.

There is always going to be someone who is better looking than you, with a fancier car/house than you have, or someone who you perceive to have a better life than yours. And they could be exactly thinking about you this way. Remind yourself that everyone is blessed, and every blessing is bestowed differently. Stop looking for other people’s blessings and start counting and being grateful for yours. 

To make babies or Not?

The desire to procreate is the most natural instinct that almost every living being possesses, but the decision to have a child whether it’s your first or fourth is a life changing, irrevocable and unchangeable decision. It is important for you and your spouse to sit together and discuss the pro and cons of expanding your family as well as weight the outcome of your decision to bring a baby in your lives as an individual and as a couple. Parenting is serious business; sometimes this decision may bring immense joy to you and your better half and deepen your bond as a couple but another aspect could also be that bringing a child may just be a very reckless, miscalculated and ill-advised decision.

Consider the following aspects as your checklist to deciding if parenthood is the next step for you.

1.   You are bringing a child because you and your spouse want to, not because you have succumbed to the pressures of your parents and the society.

In our society, the moment a couple is married the elderly in the household begin to pester the newlyweds for a grandchild. Although their advising may be well intended, it’s important to not allow anyone to coerce you into having a child. The decision to bring a child into the world should be yours and your spouse’s well thought out decision. If you or your spouse is not ready to commit to full time parenting then it is a reason enough to delay parenthood.

2.   You are advised or you think that bringing a child would repair your relationship/ would strengthen the marriage.

Yes, bringing a child would surely strengthen your marriage because it requires collective efforts at parenting by providing care, attention, love, and patience to a child as well as it requires great levels of understanding and cooperation amongst the couple, and a mutual feeling of wanting to work together to become responsible parents of a child and a spouse to the other. But it wouldn’t work in case you are facing issues regarding lack of trust and respect in the marriage, if you are trying to commit the other to a commitment or to the responsibilities of a marriage or a relationship; or are trying to use a child as a tool that brings you and your other half close to each other in the relationship. If the foundation of your relationship is flawed bringing another being in the world is just going to be another recipe for disaster.

3.   Everyone else is embracing parenthood; you are the only one left out.

This doesn’t seem reason enough for you to want to parent a child because you find other couples in your family and friend circles on a baby breeding spree. This is another kind of conformity which you don’t have to succumb to. Perhaps these couples are already equipped with the right components that are required to being sound parents to a child; you have to make sure that you are too.

4.   Can you afford a child?

Running a check on your finances is an extremely crucial consideration to make. Although you know that apart from the unconditional love that you would need to shower your baby with it, it would also need food, clothing and shelter.  The decision to have a baby would cost money right from medical bills that would mount during the Pre and Post pregnancy, to when the baby is born, and until the child is an adult will all require considerable amount of finances to be put aside from your monthly budget, your savings plan and your investments. Are you and your spouse geared up with enough finances to sponsor a pregnancy and with a concrete financial plan that would address all the needs of yours and your baby’s which are never going to come to a halt but would only increase as your child grows older?

5.   You are willing to put the child’s needs before yours most of the times.

There are going to be many sleepless nights, changing nappies, feeding an uncooperative child, dealing with crying spells and many other challenging and annoying experiences of being parents to a newly born. And unless you are well off you may also have to forego many of your own needs which could be of an exotic vacation, a better automobile or a better mobile etc. over your child needs which could be putting him into a better school, sponsoring his birthday party, new clothes, braces, a trip to Disney world etc. Part of the being a good parent “deal” may sometimes sum up to putting the needs of your child before yours, are you willing to do that?

6.   You are willing to give up on your current lifestyle.

Your current lifestyle may include late night partying with friends on weekends, spontaneously planning a trek or a vacation, eating out most of the times instead of putting together home cooked meals, full time work etc. The two of you might just have to bid your goodbyes to this lifestyle because babies need a predictable schedule and they have an insatiable need for fulltime care, attention and love. Are the two of you willing to reschedule your priorities to nurturing your baby? Are you willing to compromise on full time work or going to a party because your baby needs your attention and not regret about the shift in your priorities.

7.   Do you think your relationship is ready to handle the next level of commitment i.e. of being parents?

You may share a loving relationship with your spouse but it could take a toll on your marriage. Great levels of patience and understanding need to be harnessed between a couple when children begin to make their presence felt. Do you think your spouse can handle the shift of your attention from them to the baby, because every relationship is hit by a fair amount of neglect when raising children which is normal but if the two of you do not have strong communication and if you both do not work as a team this could be a cause of stress in your relationship as a couple.

8.   Are you physically fit to bear a child?

It is crucial to be aware that the mother to be needs to be physically fit and free of any medical complications, lifestyle diseases or any nutritional deficiencies. A check with your GP should determine that. Giving your baby the best start in life means getting your own health sorted first. It is worth making adjustments to your lifestyle like eating a well balanced meal, stress management, exercising, cutting down on drinking or smoking for the benefit of your health and the health of your baby. 

9.   You have turned to parenthood because you have realistic reasons.

Realistic reasons mean, you are not in it because you want to pass on your genes for heredity reasons. You are fully aware that the little infant you have been idolizing about is going to grow into an unreasonable teenager someday and when they are adults you may have to deal with the empty nest syndrome. You have turned to parenting because you have unconditional love to pass on to your children, and under no circumstances would you see them as tools to support your old age, not that it is wrong to want your children to be there for you when you are old but it’s important to not see them an investment for your old age.

This article is published in the print magazine - The Living Local Andheri W. Edition, Mumbai, India.
https://issuu.com/livinglocalmag/docs/october_andheri_issue