Distance Education

FACT BOX: Did you know?

The first distance education course was implemented by Sir Isaac Pitman in the 1840s. He taught a system of shorthand by mailing texts transcribed into shorthand on postcards and in return he received transcriptions from his students for correction.

The concepts: Traditional learning, Correspondence/ Distance Education, Online learning, let’s get to understanding the basics.

Traditional learning is synonymous to class-room learning, students and teachers get together in real time. Distance education refers to ways in which education may be delivered to students in remote locations, which allows students the flexibility to learn without being physically present on the campus. It is designed to offer students who cannot commit to on-site study the opportunity to pursue education in non-traditional formats. Distance education may include online degree programs, correspondence courses, CD-ROM education and many others. All course materials are given to the student via mail or electronic means so that they can master the materials at their own pace and time and which does not involve a specific timetable. Distance Education may not necessarily include any face-to-face interaction with the teacher, but this method has surely changed in the modern times to inculcate a few features that the Online education model of learning has to offer. Hence, Online Education these days is often seen as a part of Distance education and sometimes they are used interchangeably.

The only point of difference between Distance education and Online Education is that Online education had evolved due to the current advancement in technology, Students who own or have access to PCs can pursue an online degree by completing coursework via the Internet. Online education specifically offers a far more interactive environment than the traditional correspondence model does.  The teacher and the student can have a face-to-face, simultaneous interaction during live chats in virtual classrooms. They could be geographically isolated, yet they can have a quasi-face-to-face environment, enhancing academic rigor through discussion boards, email, instant messaging, e-libraries, cell phone applications, teleconferences and weekly assignments. Students enrolled in these programs receive and submit coursework online and interact with fellow students and faculty by email or through other forms of electronic communication.

Distance/ Online education has gained popularity over the last decade thanks to technological advancement and has contributed to many who cannot educate themselves further due to various reasons. Yet students are often plagued with doubts when opting for distance/online education. Often apprehension sets in is because they are not clear on the pros and cons of distance education and if distance education is right for them.

There are quite a few advantages of distance education, the following pointers will help you consider if distance education is worth a shot.  

1. Opportunity to life-long learning – Many people have families to support and cannot leave full time work for full time education. Distance learning is perfect for people of all ages who want to gain knowledge or add a certification to help them gain a competitive edge at their workplaces or for those who want to learn a new course and don’t want to get back to regular schooling.
2. Study at your own pace, Flexibility option – Distance education works on the methodology of finishing the course within a stipulated period of time. Course materials are also handed over to students at the onset of the programme. Since everyone learns at a difference pace; distance education gives students the option to decide how much they choose study each day.
3. Helps at overcoming the fear of learning – Many are often intimidated at the prospect of not being able to learn as fast as the others, asking a question or raising a doubt amid a classroom full of students could make many hesitate from raising their queries.  For those in such situations complete learning support is provided by the distant educator by connecting students with faculties through discussion boards, regular chat facilities, webinars, live streaming lectures etc.
4. Saves time, energy and costs – many on-line/ distant courses are tad cheaper than their on-campus counterparts. Distant courses also cut down on travel costs as there is no to and fro travelling involved, many times people may also be living in locations where a particular course is not conveniently available/accessible through traditional classes. The course materials made available online also alleviate the cost of textbooks.

On the flip-side, there are quite a few disadvantages to Distant learning as well. The following will help you gauge some of them.

1. Questionable credibility of a course – with the increase in awareness and acceptability to distant education, there is a steep rise in scamsters offering fraudulent and non- accredited degrees doing the rounds as well. Hence, In India, all distance education programmes that are approved by the University Grants Commission (UGC) stand automatically recognized for the purpose of employment to posts and services under the Central Government.
2. Does not foster networking or friendships – because students don’t study on campus premises, friendships and networking that could happen within a classroom full of students is deterred in a virtual classroom which could get lonely while studying. Graduates from the traditional premier educational institutions have an edge over students who study distant/online because they get opportunities to network with established alumni, distinguished faculty and industry experts which go a long way in paving a secure career.
3. Not valued by all employers – Employer views towards candidates with distant education degrees are generally mixed. Some who maybe technologically savvy maybe far more receptive towards candidates who have gained degrees online. Others perhaps due to lack of awareness may be resilient. If you have considerable work experience and look to enhance your portfolio by adding a degree through distant learning, many employers look at that as ‘enhancing the career graph’. Interestingly it is very much a norm amongst many recruiters to favour candidates that have earned a degree through traditional means over online/distant education hence, for those who have gained a distant education degree with no previous work experience are generally second favoured.
4. Dependency on technology – Online courses are not for those who are not well-versed with technology or don’t have the means to use the internet at easy disposal. Another aspect is that not all courses can be taught online. Medical and engineering courses can’t be taught online or through distance courses because they require a fair use of labs for experiments, practical and research work.
5. Does not teach important life skills– when learning happens in virtual classrooms, important life skills like interpersonal, communication, leadership, & social skills are not learnt. These skills can mostly be acquired if one participates and interacts in large social groups like the ones within a classroom, an activity group, or cultural events organized in colleges.

How do I decide which method of Distant learning is right for me?

Online/Distant learning methodology can be divided into 2 major categories called Synchronous and Asynchronous methodology. To decide which learning technique works best for you, it is crucial to understand the two main techniques in which distant/online courses are generally imparted.  

1. Synchronous method – this method requires teachers and students to be present at a particular time for a live chat session/lecture online.  Methods such as webinars, and video conferencing, web based VoIP, or telephonic conversations allows teachers and students to collaborate and learn in real time. This method is synonymous to the Online education model

-          Advantage: because the instructions are “real-time” based, it gives it a class-room feel and keeps the motivation to learn.

-          Disadvantage: Students may not be able to choose their own time, pace and method of interaction with the faculty.

2. Asynchronous method – Students access course materials at their own schedules. This method doesn’t require simultaneously participation of teacher and student. asynchronous delivery include e-mail, audiocassette courses, videotaped courses, print materials, message board forums etc. this method is similar to the Correspondence education model.

-          Advantage: it is Self-paced. for those who are looking to learn at their own pace, and comfort this approach is for them.

-          Disadvantage: because asynchronous method is a self-paced instruction method, it places a substantial burden on the student to maintain interest, focus, and pace. The motivation to study could sometimes be difficult to sustain.

The best method of distance education is generally a mix of both Synchronous and Asynchronous methods. Hence looking for a college/university that provides a good mix of both the methods would be a good distant education model. For E.g. A university offers course materials before the onset of a programme and also allots timings where students can get to talk to their teachers perhaps on a weekly basis or more, to solve any queries related to their coursework.

Distance learning in India

Distance education is imparted by three kinds of institutions:

1. Open Universities
2. Departments of Correspondence - Courses in universities and university level institutions.
3. A large number of private institutions - mostly offering short term vocational courses. There is no territorial restriction for enrolment of students.

List of the Top 10 Open Universities in each career category

Rank	University	Top Courses
1	Indira Gandhi National Open University	Engineering, Phd, MBA, MCA, B.ed, Law and Certificate courses
2	Yashwantrao Chavan Maharashtra Open University	Architechture, Computer Programming, B.ed, MBA, Life Sciences and Certificate courses.
3	Dr BR Ambedkar Open University	Commerce, B.ed, Library Science, MBA, PG Diploma, Health Science and Insurance Courses
4	Dr. Babasaheb Ambedkar Open University	B.ed, Diploma, MCA, Hotel and Tourism Management courses
5	Netaji Subhas Open University	B.ed, Graduate, Health Sciences and PG Diploma courses
6	M.P. Bhoj (Open) University	MBA, Post Graduate, Science, Languages, Law, Diploma and PG Diploma courses
7	U.P. Rajarshi Tandon Open University	Graduate, B.ed, Certificate, Management courses
8	Tamil Nadu Open University	M.Phil , MBA, MCA and PG Diploma courses
9	Karnataka State Open University	B.ed, Law, MBA and Commerce courses
10	Vardhaman Mahaveer Open University	M.Phil, MBA, Journalism and Commerce courses
11	Uttarakhand Open University	Post Graduate, Ayurveda, Law and MBA courses
12	Nalanda Open University	Phd and Certificate courses
13	Pt. Sunder Sharma Open Uuniversity	Graduate and Certificate courses
14	KK Handique State University	Diploma and Certificate courses

How do I identify a genuine university from a fake?

In accordance with the directions of the Central Government in December 2012, the responsibility of undertaking the regulatory functions of the Distance Education has been transferred from Distance Education Council (DEC) to University Grants Commission (UGC). Thus, UGC is the sole regulating body in India for distance education, granting approvals to only those institutes that offer courses that follow certain standards and guidelines laid down by the board.

While choosing the institute for distance education, you must keep in mind to select the approved ones. Look up the UGC website for a comprehensive state-wise approved list of colleges and universities, and make the right choice.

Admission procedures for distance learning

The admission requirements for a distant learning programme may vary with the degree you choose to study as well as from one university to another. After you have verified about the credibility of the desired university for distance education with the UGC list, the next step is to log on to the university/college website and read the procedures that are to be followed to enroll for a distant course with the university.

Distance Education: the abroad perspective

Almost all Distant learning and Online universities offer courses that include Bachelors, Masters and PhD. Most popular are Management subjects that are gaining popularity among mid-career management professionals looking for further qualifications to help them progress the leadership ladder. Often subjects like MBA lend themselves well to part time study, as the simultaneous experience within the field is helpful in applying to learnt skills.

Before choosing a long distance programme with a university abroad, it is important to access the reputation of the university and of the chosen course. You must run a check with whether your distant learning provider is accredited by national bodies such as the United States Department of Education (USDE) or the Council of Higher Education Accreditation (CHEA) 

This article is also published in the print magazine - The Teenager Today, Mumbai, India. 

http://theteenagertoday.com/is-distance-education-right-for-you/

How to make a good impression

When students walk into class on the first day of college or school it is always an overwhelming and an unforgettable experience. With new friends to make, new subjects to learn, new experiences to gain, and new teachers to get friendly with it can all be a little overwhelming and these experiences are what makes memories of school and college days unforgettable.
It’s important that along with making new friends, learning new subjects, you also get to know your teachers and in turn make them take notice of you as a student, making a good impression with teachers and making them your mentors and friends always goes a long way. And a little secret about teachers is that they too enjoy interacting with their students and look forward to building a lasting relationship with their students. Often teachers reminiscent about their students long after they have graduated. For relationships to build it is important that students take proactive measures at building a positive impression with their teachers.

Following are a few easy measures that students can take to lay foundations towards lasting relationships with their teachers.

1. Be presentable, Dress appropriately – the first impression about you generally makes a lasting impression. If you are in school make sure you dress in a clean, well ironed uniform always. If you are a college goer, dress formally always. If you are smartly dressed, it would make you feel more confident about yourself, and would also make you look very presentable. Which would not only make your friends take notice of you but also your teachers.

2. Smile and don’t forget the Greetings – Being presentable would get you noticed, but it doesn’t end there you need to look approachable. Sharing an easy smile and greeting your new classmates, teachers and the non-teaching faculty will always make them take notice of you and would make you look friendly, and easy to approach. And in turn you would look and feel more confident.

3. Be courteous and polite always – bad behaviour and lack of basic courtesy are sure ways to make anyone dislike you including your teachers. You should behave in a courteous and polite manner always. Offer to help a teacher set her laptop and projector for the class, don’t distract a teacher by making noise, talking unnecessarily or giggling away while she taking a lecture, thank a teacher after a class etc.  Be courteous to the non-teaching staff, wait for your turn to talk to the admin department, always address the peons and cleaning staff with courtesy. Right behaviour always makes a long lasting favourable impression on people around you.

4. Learn the art of introducing yourself right – you will often find yourself being asked to introduce yourself on the first day of your college or school. What you talk about yourself will often leave an impression on many. Make sure you talk about where you have studied previously, your achievement, your participation in any extracurricular activities, your hobbies and what would you like to contribute/participate in your current school or college. A particular student once spoke about his writing skills when he introduced himself, he mentioned that he was an editor of his school magazine, his achievements and contributions as an editor there and conveyed his wish to contribute to the editorial team in his current college. I always remembered his skill and spoke to the student editorial team hinting that they could involve this student whenever needed.

5. Master the art of listening and being attentive in class – A teacher enjoys teaching students who pay attention to what s/he is teaching and distinctly remembers those students who make efforts to be good listeners in class. How do you look like you are paying attention and are a good listener? It’s simple! Maintain eye contact with the teacher, Nodding is a sign of listening, and ask relevant questions when the teacher finishes a topic. I distinctly remember a student who often volunteered to bring in a case study, example or a news sample related to the topic I discussed, in the next class. It was not only interesting for me, but it also left the other students wanting to imitate the enthusiasm of this student, it not only made the class lively and interactive but also made this student get noticed amongst the batch of many.

6. Be enthusiastic and eager to learn – in academia every teacher knows that they are going to come across all kinds of students. Some student would score really well in exams, some other would have exceptional management and leadership qualities but may or may not be paper tigers and some others may exhibit intelligence in other spheres of life. If you exhibited a quench to learn, to improve and excel at whatever your goals are and involve your teachers as guides to help you achieve them, you are surely going to be noticed by your teachers. Most teachers love to mentor their students what they are waiting for are for students to approach them. So take the initiative to talk to your teachers about your academic and non-academic goals during school/college hours and ask for their advice on how they could help you achieve them and you are sure to make a friend and mentor for life.

7. Avoid unpunctuality – another way to get noticed by a teacher is if you turn up late for a class regularly or if you turn in your assignments late. But this behaviour leads to a long lasting negative impression about you, and you don’t want to make that kind of impression. Being late to class, or missing a class or being late at a submission of your assignment once in a while, supported by a genuine cause of failure is alright. You need to make sure you communicate to your teacher about your late submission or your inability to attend a class beforehand and make sure this behaviour doesn’t repeat often.

Some students may wonder why they need to put in all the effort to make a good impression on their teachers. They could probably do without putting as much efforts and sit back and enjoy school or college as a regular back bencher, bunk classes, turn in their assignments late, come to class late and make no efforts to interact and impress their teachers. There is some food for thought for those who think like that, many teachers continue to have an impact over students long after they have completed their final exams and graduated.  Teachers pay invaluable contribution to student development at both school and college. They are seen to bring out the best in a student, becoming important anchors in the student’s career growth and development and lastly they continue to be sound advisers to students long after they have graduated from their class. So go ahead and make the effort to impress, it is worth it.

This article is also published in the print magazine - The Teenager Today, Mumbai India
http://theteenagertoday.com/make-a-good-impression-on-your-teacher/

QUESTIONS EVERY PARENT MUST ASK -During Parent-Teacher Meetings.

Having come across many Parent-teacher meetings, I often realize that there are certain crucial questions every parent must ask their child’s teacher to understand the development or any other behavioral or learning issues that the child may be facing. Often parents are unable to ask the teacher the right kind of questions that would convey their concerns relating to their child’s progress or behavior.

Here are a few questions that you could frame –

1 - What can I do at home to help be involved with my child’s academic performance? Do you have a system for parents to know what homework is assigned?

2 - What do you see as my child's strengths/weaknesses?

3- How is my child doing socially? Does my child seem to have friends and get along with the other students? Does my child seem to be happy overall?

4 - Does my child behave respectfully to you? Does my child follow class rules? Is he/she polite and kind?

5 - Does my child work up to their potential? Is my child putting in his/her best efforts at any task assigned?

6 - Does my child turn in assignments on time?

7 - Does my child speak up or ask questions during class? Does he/she ask for help if they he/she seems to be confused or unsure?

8 - What should be “my” action plan for this coming term as a parent?

Learning MADE EASY

The education system in the recent times have tided towards a very conducive and competitive coast exposing children to diverse concepts, quizzing formulas, different subjects, and varied languages to learn in the schools and colleges. Adults too are seen adding degrees and other credentials to their CVs to build a platform that enhances their careers. Every learning process comes with the need to understand and memorize its concept distinctly. Children and adults alike often come across a momentary mind block which could make it difficult to recall or memorize certain information or theory. At any age learning remains constant, but memorizing new concepts and recalling them can sometimes become tricky for many. Here are a few easy techniques that can make learning easy.

Tip 1 – Don’t be shy, voice out. 

We all come across confusing or difficult to understand concepts & theories that we have to learn. The key to figuring that out is to get rid of your inhibitions of voicing doubts & difficulties with your Instructor/teacher. Ask your Instructor/teacher to revise the concept with you. If you're at home when the confusion occurs, your parents/spouse/friend might be able to help. But do not sit over your doubts & pile it up or worse not address it at all because you never know how important the concept or theory is from the exam point of view which could make you lose out on crucial marks.

Tip 2 - Can you teach it?

It is a tried and tested method by many students that if you are able to explain a concept and what you have learnt to someone else, and if the person has understood what you are trying to teach them implies that you have understood the concept clearly. 
it is the most easiest way of conducting a self analysis of what you have learnt and if you have understood it enough to explain it to another.

Tip 3- Break it, till you make it!

If you have a lot to learn, don't fret you can manage that by breaking the vast portion into small portions.
E.g. - You have a huge answer of 6 lines (250 words) to by heart, start by memorizing the 1st 2 lines, then moving on to the 3rd and 4th and then to the remaining last 2 lines. 
Don’t worry if you can’t remember something in the first try, remember practice makes man perfect!

Tip 4 - BRAINSTORM! 

The quickest way to understand & remember a concept is to brainstorm about the topic with people who have to study the same subject/topic/concept/theory etc.
E.g.- If you need to understand the Principles of Management, sit with your friends who need to learn the principles as well and discuss and explain the principles to each other this way you will learn faster.

 Tip 5 – Mark em down! 

We're all guilty of putting things off sometimes but Waiting until the last hour to study for a test can make the studying very stressful; It also makes it hard for you to put in your best. One of the best ways to make sure that doesn't happen is to plan ahead.

You can invest in a cool calendar (something that you would like to keep by your desk or study area) and write down your test and assignment due dates. Keeping a reminder of important dates would ensure you do not miss out on any submission dates and it would also give you enough time to chalk out a plan about how much time and efforts are going to be required to be put in to study, write an assignment or complete a project after school each day. This method would ensure you do not have any pile on before an important exam or submission.

Arresting stress

Stress has become an inevitable part of our everyday life. Important it is to arrest it on its tracks because too much stress can cause unnecessary lifestyle diseases like headaches, high blood pressure, ulcers and heart diseases.  Listed are 20 simple and instant methods that could instantly bust the stress, drive those blues to the skies, and make your spirits high.

1. Smile. As often as you can as many times as you can.
2. Read a humorous book.
3. Make an awesome cup of cold coffee/Masala chai/ cappuccino for yourself.
4. List down all the things that make you feel grateful for their existence in your life.
5. Hug your spouse/kids/pet/sibling. Use the power of touch.
6. Reconnect with an old friend or family.  
7. Create something. Could be food/a painting/knitting/writing etc.
8. Spend time with little children.
9. Pamper yourself. Go for a long shower or a spa.
10. Exercise.
11. Connect with nature. Sit in a peaceful atmosphere, deep breathe.
12. Dance like no one is watching.
13. Go for a walk. Explore the nearby garden or the mall or any other place that you haven’t been for awhile.
14. Meditate.
15. De-clutter your space.
16. Watch a funny movie.
17. Listen to your favorite music.
18. Go to an NGO, help if you can.
19. Read positive, feel good books like the Chicken Soup series.
20. Feed a hungry soul. 

Be your OWN Sunshine

Happiness is what we perceive; Positive thinking is all about training your mind to see things in a positive light. It’s true that to find love, love needs to be first ignited within ourselves. In our quest to be loved and accepted by others we often tend to neglect ourselves. Life is what we make of and our attitude towards life is the important element that attracts happiness, love and optimism. It is all a cycle and ‘You’ make the most important force that drives this cycle.

To keep the cycle rolling here are a few life hacks to be considered

1.   Don’t allow negative thoughts to seep into your mind.

This world seems to be brimming with people who seem to have lustrous facebook/linkedin/instagram profiles. They seem to be going places, looking beautiful, flying high. Making you feel that perhaps you are not doing enough or are not good enough. What you don’t know is they are only portraying the image they want to portray. You don’t have to compete with anyone. Remind yourself that you are doing your bit and are going places at your pace. Assure yourself that you don’t need to prove anyone what you are worth because you very well know yours. And you could always get away from the social networking sites or not use it compulsively to kill boredom.

2.   Love yourself first.

We often tend to neglect our needs, wants and desires for others. Practice the art of saying “NO” to people when you have to.  Give yourself the gift of creating something that you are good at it could be going back to the hobbies that you have stashed on a shelf you have long forgotten. It could be Painting, writing, knitting, or it could just be going to the gym or the parlor. Give yourself ‘your’ time.

   

3.   Make best friends with yourself.

Sometimes our close friends, spouse, and family may not always be available to spend time with us. Everyone has their schedules and priorities. If someday you don’t find someone coming with you for that walk, or shopping, or for a cup of coffee go by yourself. Being with yourself and having your company can’t be that bad!

4.   Don’t wait for anyone to validate you.

Look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a big warm smile. Mentally give yourself a high-five for every time you do something well. Celebrate every small occasion or achievement. When you wake up in the morning wish yourself “have an awesome day ahead”. Give yourself the love and attention that you deserve.

1.   Be yourself.

There is always going to be someone who is better looking than you, with a fancier car/house than you have, or someone who you perceive to have a better life than yours. And they could be exactly thinking about you this way. Remind yourself that everyone is blessed, and every blessing is bestowed differently. Stop looking for other people’s blessings and start counting and being grateful for yours. 

To make babies or Not?

The desire to procreate is the most natural instinct that almost every living being possesses, but the decision to have a child whether it’s your first or fourth is a life changing, irrevocable and unchangeable decision. It is important for you and your spouse to sit together and discuss the pro and cons of expanding your family as well as weight the outcome of your decision to bring a baby in your lives as an individual and as a couple. Parenting is serious business; sometimes this decision may bring immense joy to you and your better half and deepen your bond as a couple but another aspect could also be that bringing a child may just be a very reckless, miscalculated and ill-advised decision.

Consider the following aspects as your checklist to deciding if parenthood is the next step for you.

1.   You are bringing a child because you and your spouse want to, not because you have succumbed to the pressures of your parents and the society.

In our society, the moment a couple is married the elderly in the household begin to pester the newlyweds for a grandchild. Although their advising may be well intended, it’s important to not allow anyone to coerce you into having a child. The decision to bring a child into the world should be yours and your spouse’s well thought out decision. If you or your spouse is not ready to commit to full time parenting then it is a reason enough to delay parenthood.

2.   You are advised or you think that bringing a child would repair your relationship/ would strengthen the marriage.

Yes, bringing a child would surely strengthen your marriage because it requires collective efforts at parenting by providing care, attention, love, and patience to a child as well as it requires great levels of understanding and cooperation amongst the couple, and a mutual feeling of wanting to work together to become responsible parents of a child and a spouse to the other. But it wouldn’t work in case you are facing issues regarding lack of trust and respect in the marriage, if you are trying to commit the other to a commitment or to the responsibilities of a marriage or a relationship; or are trying to use a child as a tool that brings you and your other half close to each other in the relationship. If the foundation of your relationship is flawed bringing another being in the world is just going to be another recipe for disaster.

3.   Everyone else is embracing parenthood; you are the only one left out.

This doesn’t seem reason enough for you to want to parent a child because you find other couples in your family and friend circles on a baby breeding spree. This is another kind of conformity which you don’t have to succumb to. Perhaps these couples are already equipped with the right components that are required to being sound parents to a child; you have to make sure that you are too.

4.   Can you afford a child?

Running a check on your finances is an extremely crucial consideration to make. Although you know that apart from the unconditional love that you would need to shower your baby with it, it would also need food, clothing and shelter.  The decision to have a baby would cost money right from medical bills that would mount during the Pre and Post pregnancy, to when the baby is born, and until the child is an adult will all require considerable amount of finances to be put aside from your monthly budget, your savings plan and your investments. Are you and your spouse geared up with enough finances to sponsor a pregnancy and with a concrete financial plan that would address all the needs of yours and your baby’s which are never going to come to a halt but would only increase as your child grows older?

5.   You are willing to put the child’s needs before yours most of the times.

There are going to be many sleepless nights, changing nappies, feeding an uncooperative child, dealing with crying spells and many other challenging and annoying experiences of being parents to a newly born. And unless you are well off you may also have to forego many of your own needs which could be of an exotic vacation, a better automobile or a better mobile etc. over your child needs which could be putting him into a better school, sponsoring his birthday party, new clothes, braces, a trip to Disney world etc. Part of the being a good parent “deal” may sometimes sum up to putting the needs of your child before yours, are you willing to do that?

6.   You are willing to give up on your current lifestyle.

Your current lifestyle may include late night partying with friends on weekends, spontaneously planning a trek or a vacation, eating out most of the times instead of putting together home cooked meals, full time work etc. The two of you might just have to bid your goodbyes to this lifestyle because babies need a predictable schedule and they have an insatiable need for fulltime care, attention and love. Are the two of you willing to reschedule your priorities to nurturing your baby? Are you willing to compromise on full time work or going to a party because your baby needs your attention and not regret about the shift in your priorities.

7.   Do you think your relationship is ready to handle the next level of commitment i.e. of being parents?

You may share a loving relationship with your spouse but it could take a toll on your marriage. Great levels of patience and understanding need to be harnessed between a couple when children begin to make their presence felt. Do you think your spouse can handle the shift of your attention from them to the baby, because every relationship is hit by a fair amount of neglect when raising children which is normal but if the two of you do not have strong communication and if you both do not work as a team this could be a cause of stress in your relationship as a couple.

8.   Are you physically fit to bear a child?

It is crucial to be aware that the mother to be needs to be physically fit and free of any medical complications, lifestyle diseases or any nutritional deficiencies. A check with your GP should determine that. Giving your baby the best start in life means getting your own health sorted first. It is worth making adjustments to your lifestyle like eating a well balanced meal, stress management, exercising, cutting down on drinking or smoking for the benefit of your health and the health of your baby. 

9.   You have turned to parenthood because you have realistic reasons.

Realistic reasons mean, you are not in it because you want to pass on your genes for heredity reasons. You are fully aware that the little infant you have been idolizing about is going to grow into an unreasonable teenager someday and when they are adults you may have to deal with the empty nest syndrome. You have turned to parenting because you have unconditional love to pass on to your children, and under no circumstances would you see them as tools to support your old age, not that it is wrong to want your children to be there for you when you are old but it’s important to not see them an investment for your old age.

This article is published in the print magazine - The Living Local Andheri W. Edition, Mumbai, India.
https://issuu.com/livinglocalmag/docs/october_andheri_issue

Keep calm & Carry on

‘He felt a great sense of pride when he went to work every day he loved his job, & when he got back home his wife doted on him. One day his office hired another who was a lot younger than him for half the salary he drew. And his wife, she realized that he always took his occupation over her and decided to stop being devoted to him like before’.

Let go of things that you feel deeply attached to, of things that would bring a lot of pain if they ever went missing. Acknowledge the fact that being detached in general towards possessions, people or even a profession makes it easy to let go of them if they ever went missing because no matter how much we love the word “forever” nothing really is forever or as being permanent. Today the source of your happiness may perhaps take a diversion and then you would have to find a new source to be

happy again. Over time people change, needs change, situations change people may go from being happy to sad, from being poor to rich or from being close to you and then not. The switch can happen, you can’t rule it out. So you have to accept that you can’t really hang onto people, situations or even your possessions no matter how deeply you are fond of them.

Hence being objective helps, being adaptive and receptive to the change helps. When you unlearn your need to possess or when you let go of your need to be reassured by the people around you that they are always going to be your greatest strength, or your state of affairs in life are never going to change or what you possess is only yours you stop wallowing for what is lost and you begin to find ways to fill the gap. You have to accept the change or the loss someday, but if you decide to welcome the change, decide to change yourself to adapt to the change and perhaps even learn to enjoy the change you will only help yourself be happy faster again. 

What really matters?

The very relevant fears that each one of us goes through in our lives at some point of time is the fear of not finding the right one, the fear of a lifetime of union with someone and not being able to make a U-turn if required, the fear of not being sure when is the right time to take the plunge and if at all getting into a relationship or marriage is the best thing for you. 

Everyone looks for love and companionship hoping that it would come with a lifetime guarantee. We all often look for that ‘someone’ with whom we can share our happiness and sorrows. We have had people whom we deemed important on every juncture of our lives didn’t we? Remember childhood?

Those days when we saved a chocolate to bring back home from school; or when we made handmade cards as birthday presents for our parents; and put in mighty efforts to bring better grades because it made our parents happy. During that era of our life parents made the most important people. School days were so often synonymous to having a “best friend” or being part of the most popular group in school. If our best friend didn’t bring lunch we didn’t hesitate to share ours with them, if they were punished we felt sorry for them and if they were upset at us the world seemed a very sad place to exist in.

But as we know how quick life rolls just like the reel on the camera, one snap after the other in swift breathless clicks our journey from innocent childhood trivialities move onto more life changing issues to deal with. In our culture we generally take the business of getting married very seriously, parents put in great emphasize on the importance of marrying early and marrying the right one. Personally I don’t think there is a set time phase for when it all happens for people in general, for some they may find the right one pretty early in life and for many it may take awhile like the ever beautiful Suhasini Mulay a popular face of the Indian cinema and serials found her soulmate at the age of 60. But perhaps there is a point in life when each of us tends to take the lookout for meaningful relationships a bit more seriously. Sure! Our parents and our best friends are always there for us but have you come across a situation when your parents parrot the age old line “we are not going to always remain with you for the rest of your life” or when your friends who are blissfully hitched always seem to be lost in a world of their own which they can’t really be blamed for.

That leaves the ‘Singles’ singled out with their life which of course doesn’t need to conform to the conformity of being in a relationship just because stories of people dating, marrying or getting engaged are the latest fad of the town. But yet sometimes, just like the one odd day when you really wished you could ring up a friend and ask them for lunch, you hear them apologize to you much to your dismay for not accepting the invite because they are busy with their better half watching the most absurdly churned out movie of the century (that you wouldn’t watch in a hundred years in your right mind frame) and sounding very pleased to top it all; is when you realize you wish you had someone too who would make your world look pink and pretty even when it may not necessarily look like that to the rest of the world.

From the remotest corner of the mind or heart or wherever this feeling comes from we feel a vacation would become boring if we dint have someone to take along with; The tiniest voice in the head whisper’s that all the achievements and laurels gained professionally or otherwise you wished you had someone to share all these with perhaps a close friend or a relationship that you could fall back on almost all the time. Inspite of having the best job, a fancy car, and a beautiful house you look for a meaningful relationship to share it all with.

Well then, so you are going to give it a thought and see how it all works perhaps Shahid Kapur’s nuptials to the non celebrity Meera Rajput 13 years his junior may inspire you to rethink your stand on marriage. What should matter the most when you are looking for the Ms. /Mr. Just Right after all? Does the age gap really matter? Or the difference in religions should be taken into serious consideration?

I must beg to quote my humble views on this one that one must follow this simple equation: to look for a friend in the person you would choose to date/marry. Because not only do our friends share our mutual interests, we are not hassled with how we look or sound like to them all the time, and they simply like us for who we are.

But often these indispensable traits that we look for in a friend changes ever so discreetly when we are looking for meaningful companionship, with whom we would want to share our living space with, a life time of dreams, hopes and ambitions with; by which I rightly mean a better half. We are often attracted to or get infatuated with a pretty face, a handsome personality, the amazing job that we think they have, or the impressive house or car that they own. The apparently visible traits are so easy to feel mesmerized with but there is a fair possibility that the attractive exterior persona and their possessions may just vanish someday like beauty fades and like the gentleman who makes an amazing first impression may just be a façade to impress. It’s hard though but it matters when you want to make a commitment for a lifetime to differentiate between what looks breathtakingly attractive and what your needs really are. You don’t want someone to want out of the relationship at the first crack of disappointment. It’s hard to always put up a fascia that displays a persona of the ever beautiful or charming, who always portrays the image of the perfect all the time. Someday you may just want to step out of the house looking you, wanting to feel and show off the skin that is beneath all the makeup that adorns your face or you may desperately want to come across someone who is okay when you are behaving quirky unintentionally sometimes

Achieving a picture perfect life or a perfect life partner is a myth, if perfectionism is abstract it is fair if we lowered our expectations and looked for Ms. /Mr. Close to Perfect hoping that they would remain a sturdy companion when life is a celebration as well as for the times when life throws in equal measures of struggles. It takes time and most importantly the rationality to want to explore the

person who is beneath the exterior they portray. It is important to find someone who is ready to explore the inner realms of your character which may be a vulnerable side, a deep seated insecurity, naivety over certain things, or your imperfections and flaws and  recognize the beautiful inner you. A life time of partnership between two souls doesn’t happen immediately, what happens at the first sight is more often an attraction or an infatuation with apparently visible attributes. Often it turns out that a perfect relationship may not always be something that electrifies and enkindles you but perhaps it is the feeling of always being in a tender state of drowsiness that comes when you feel loved and secure for a lifetime to come.

THE MELANCHOLY OF ADULTHOOD

Sighs! How many of us have been through curfews levied on us by our parents during our teenage years? This isn’t even our fault! It is all because of the chemical reactions in our brains that would signal us do crazy things like get fatally attracted to the opposite sex. The girls would guzzle on endless RomCom novels or movies weaving fantasies of a quixotic married life similar to their current favorite novel or movie and the male fraternity would visualize endlessly about the curves of their lady love and her beauty spots! Both of them eager to be with the other just that the entire universe that includes their terrorizing parents and the agonizing society are all at their malevolent best! They cannot stand to see the happiness of the young couple! All that they were devising were strategies to get the two of them to stay away from each other. Perhaps now if we looked back we could laugh at the episodes when our parents or our friend’s parents would turn into law enforcement agents or the descendants of Sir Sherlock Holmes by implementing every theory in the book to discover secret affairs if any of their offspring; The “unfortunate” parents could foresee their future and the future of their son doomed because of the girl who seemed to have driven them and their precious son to sleepless nights; And also caused a turmoil in his grades and mark sheet!

The wobbly teenage soon follows a phase when the realization hits you that your teenage dream of getting married or having a girl by your side could finally come true. Your parents, the once upon a time villains of your teenage romance are on the lookout for a suitable better half for you but interestingly you find yourself laden up with doubts about the whole marriage idea the picture doesn’t

seem to look all that glossy any more. You tend to mull over the responsibilities that come with the institution like paying the bills on time, up keeping and maintaining the nest you reside within, ensuring that you do not under any circumstances go bankrupt at the end of the month, or finding employment with a stable income. You finally realize that you cannot sit on your bum around all day playing a guitar, just reading a book, catching up with friends for a casual leisurely coffee or a movie. Because that doesn’t keep the fires in the kitchen burning.

You begin to gauge the consequences of your actions and if you got married; the responsibilities of married life becomes a reality as well. You realize the importance of keeping your service provider happy by ensuring timely payment of your bills, the concept of living in a clean pest free environment where people don’t trip on the mess in your room becomes clearer to you. Maintaining a decent bank balance which is not on the brink of being dangerously close to the minimum requirement becomes a reality too. The point here is one really doesn’t have to bother about such realities when it’s just you taking care of yourself. Doing the laundries not this week but next is ok, keeping your hair messed up and wandering in old pajamas is fine if you don’t have the love of your life living with you, who would probably faint at the sight of the disheveled you. Nor is having kids and loading yourself up with another living being’s responsibility a very appealing aspect.

I think early on parents must have mature conversations with their children about life, their daily struggles, how they work so hard to provide them with a decent living, and how they work towards making their relationship as a spouse work. Children should be taught about life not being a mere fantasy, because often they enter adulthood, relationships and responsibilities having the wrong notions instilled which mess with their ideas of shouldering responsibilities and handling relationships with maturity. Either they begin to reject the idea of mature adulthood responsibilities and relationships, or they continue to live in their superficial fantasies. When these folks finally jolt out of their imaginations they are either in denial or are unable to accept and accommodate the workings of a real relationship.